He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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