He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize