i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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