can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize