Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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