and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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