Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize