i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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