i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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