nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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