PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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