dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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