if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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