It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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