How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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