If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize