I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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