She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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