Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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