Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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