I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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