Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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