At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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