I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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