This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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