I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He? As in you personified your dick?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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