after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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