Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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