I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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