We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just pee around me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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