Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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