I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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