If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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