I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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