I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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