and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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