Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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