when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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