Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The feeling are messing with the penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize