hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize