# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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