Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize