I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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