I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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