I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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