There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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