is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize