I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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