Sry I called you an 8
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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