woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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